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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, I had a session with a client at my office on East Coast Rd. This guy, let’s call him “Dave,” comes in all frazzled. He’s like, “I can’t deal with my boss!” I’m thinking, “Welcome to the club, mate.” We dive into it, and he’s spilling all this tea about office drama. I’m trying to be professional, but inside I’m cracking up. I mean, who hasn’t wanted to throw a stapler at their boss?

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